Each Day Gets Better

Another sad blog. I'm sorry people. :/
Just...work with me here.

I really hate school. A lot. But my boyfriend made me realize that it's only because of a certain event.
I failed art. With an F. I never thought that was possible, but it happened. I'm so passionate about art, I always have been. But that class made me hate it. It was a design class. In design, there are restrictions. And everything has to be perfect, precise. I don't work well with that kind of stuff. My art is messy. Always different, always flowing.
Failing that class killed me.
Ever since then, my attitude toward college has been downhill.

 I'm just so happy, that I have a wonderful boyfriend to keep me moving. Or else I would be so lost.

Monster

So. Work was shit.
I hate that place. I hate that goddamned company that I work for.

You wanna know all the shit that happened? I'll tell you.
So I get into work and pretty much as soon as I walk in the door, this chick, lets call her Hydrangea. Anyway, she calls me to go up there. First of all, I haven't even clocked in yet, let alone put all my shit in my locker, and counted up a drawer. That that fucking pissed me off, and THEN when I get up there, she fucking tells me that she's leaving early. So it's part of my responsibility to get the store fronted and looking nice when it comes time to close. Fucking Duh. I know how to fucking do my job, she didn't have to tell me that shit. Plus this is the THIRD fucking night in a row, where i'm the last one, by my FUCKING self fronting the store. She had NO right. No right to tell me what to do. Then it was nonstop busy. Hydrangea was pissing me off because whenever there was a small break, I would leave the register to go find something to do, she would call me out and say. "Well don't take too long because i'm gonna go find out if I can take my break" or shit like "Where are you going?" TO DO MY FUCKING JOB! I don't stand around like an idiot, I'm a busy fucking person. When i'm at work, I like to fucking work! Anyway. That was nonstop till she left. And then when it finally came time for me to go on my 15 minute break, It got cut short because apparently they needed help, and I go out there, and there's only four fucking people in each line. They needed help, my ass.  So I go up there and I end up being stuck at the fucking register the whole fucking night. As  we close, theres a woman in my line, and the manager goes up to my friend, we'll call her Aster. Anyway, the manager goes up to her and says "I hope Ahna doesn't take so long to front because I want to get home." It took all the nerve I had to not slap a bitch. I fucking fronted the whole store BY MYSELF. If that bitch wanted to get home, she could have got her ass out on the fucking floor and helped me!! BITCH, BITCH BITCH. God, damnit. it pisses me off.

It's like i'm some kind of android that they can just program to do shit for them. I'm a GOOD FUCKING WORKER. And you know what? I don't care if this makes me sound arrogant. But i'm the best damn worker they have. The other ones like to be "Chatty" to avoid their work. They're slow when they do their work. And they complain about their jobs and people nonstop. I don't EVER fucking complain about shit. I fucking WORK. I'm fast, efficient, and make sure i'm always moving. I'm a good fucking worker. Why the hell else would they schedule me to stay around the latest? Because when i'm around, SHIT GETS FUCKING DONE.
And you know what? Just because they know that I model. They fucking signed me up for this modeling show that the goddam company is having. AND I TOLD THEM NO. They fucking signed me up anyway. ASSHOLES. I don't want to be your fucking pet!

I'm
A
Free
Fucking
Bitch.

And you know what. I promised you a happy blog, but hey, at least it's not fucking sad.

Love You Long Time.

So, I've started many blogs...and also neglected many blogs. Hopefully this one with be pretty active.

I actually wasn't going to make this tonight...but something happened that I just have to let out.
Tonight, I was on Tumblr (This is a common thing for me...to be on Tumblr) and I came across a blog called the HairyPitsClub. I found it really interesting. There were tons of girls, and women who held their arms above their heads proudly, not ashamed of their ape-like pits. I loved it. All of them, every single one of them looked beautiful. They were so happy. And you could see the confidence in their faces. It made me smile in return.
I asked my boyfriend if he would hate it if I didn't shave my armpits (knowing that he kinda has a thing about body hair) and he said yes. He said that he would probably even eventually break up with me because he finds body hair so disgusting and unattractive.
This really, really hurt me. just the fact that something so miniscule as not shaving my armpits could possibly end our relationship...It hurts. A lot.
We were on webcam at the time, so I acted angry at first to make sure I wouldn't cry. Later on he asked me why I looked so sad, and I laughed, and told him "I didn't know because i'm not."
This just makes me hurt so much...it makes me think that our love isn't really that important to him..and that he's willing to let it end so easily...that he wouldn't even fight for me. That he would just let me go.
It also hurts because I don't care what he looks like...I don't care about his physical appearance. And he's FtM so he will be going through a BIG physical transition soon...and I don't care. I love him for him. Physical appearance has NEVER been a deciding factor in whether I "like" Or "love" someone...it just hurts that it's such a big factor for him. That his hate for body hair is stronger than his love for me.

I don't think anyone should be filled with so much hate...or maybe its just a small amount of love.

So I'm going to continue shaving...because I love him. And I never want him to leave me...I love him so much.