Wait

For the past month, i've kinda been isolating myself from my friends, wanting to just be alone. Not wanting to go out or do anything. It kinda caused a fight with my boyfriend that I blogged about earlier saying that i had "changed".

Last night. I was thinking about it forever...and it's not that I just don't want to go out or do anything...I just don't want to go out or do anything with the friends I have.
They...They kinda make me feel crappy about myself. I tried to make a new friend, and she always talks about how i'm sexy and stuff, and if I didn't have a boyfriend she'd be all over me. It just makes me feel like shit. All throughout high school I was insecure about my feelings. And my whole life, family, and friends of the family would tell me "Oh you're so pretty, you should be a model". But that's all they would say to me. They wouldn't try to tell me they liked my art, or thought I was creative. I'm just known as "The pretty cousin" Or "The pretty grandchild".
It's not like I don't mind being pretty...I just don't want it to be all people see about me. Because i'm so much more! I really am...
But...now I feel that insecurity is coming back. The people I call friends have been hurting me...I no longer want to hang out with them as much. They are fun! Don't get me wrong...there's just a sting that tugs at my heart whenever I hear comments like the previous.

I just want new friends...But I'm afraid my new friends will just see who I am on the outside, and not on the inside..