Blackbird

I'm visiting the boyfriend in a couple of days.
i'm super nervous because this will be the longest trip i've ever made by myself.
I can't wait though.
I get my kitty two!
Everything else has been fine...even though schools almost been out for a month now i still haven't checked my grades. :[ ooops
i'm honestly too scared. :[
tis all i suppose. <3

Isn't She Lovely?

Dear Boyfriend.

You really, really upset me sometimes. I don't care if you watch tv, or play video games. But I just hate it when you don't pay attentions to me.
When we talk on skype...I quit doing everything else I was doing just to talk to you...but you. You're always looking for someone to talk to. You're always on deviantart, talking to someone on skype, and texting at the same time. Am I not enough for you? Am I boring? Are you trying to avoid me? I don't know. But that's what I think. THATS why i'm so upset. I just feel like you don't care. :/ at least not enough..and i feel like i'm boring to you. It just hurts. So yeah, i go on tumblr, and maybe message someone so I don't feel as bad. But really, I don't want to talk to other people. I don't want to do other things. I just want to talk to YOU. It never seems like you feel the same. And I just hate it that you're the one to call me on skype...and then you never talk to me. :/ You chat online with other people. Then we're both just sitting in silence. It's just stupid. I'm just gonna end the call when that happens, because I hate not doing anything.

Telephone

I guess It's been a while. sorry guys. Well...What's up with me? nothing really.
I'm purposely going to fail my history final because I have given up on this semester. I already messed it up, and there's no way I can fix it now. :[ I'm not going to go to school next semester anyway. I want to take a semester off to think about what I want to do in college, and work some more to save money. I was stressed out a lot and i dreaded waking up every morning, but I'm on pills now that help a lot. I never thought I was clinically depressed. But when the doctor asked me all the questions and I responded "Yes" to almost all of them, I kinda figured something was up with me. I might have something wrong with my pancreas or gall bladder. I'm hoping the gall bladder if anything. All the pancreas problems are deadly. :[
I had my blood drawn and an ultrasound, and i'm anxiously awaiting the results. I'm so glad something id finally getting done around here...

I guess last i'll talk about how much i miss my boyfriend. I've just been really sad about it lately. It sucks. :[ I want to see him so bad. He rescued a kitty, I named her Lucca, and she's mine. :] When i get to see him next, I'm going to bring her back up with me. I can't wait. I've wanted a cat for my whole life. I'm really, really excited. I'm a little scared because of money and stuff. things that my parents have been warning me about. They don't think me having a cat is a good idea, because I already have money issues, and they say Lucca would just be another mouth to feed. :[ It kinda upsets me that they aren't supportive, but I made the argument that I have really been depressed lately. I feel like every time i get off of work, or school, I have no where to go. I have no home. Sometimes, I think of how easy it would just be to crash my car. You know that saying. "home is where the heart is"? Well i think if I had a cat, something to come home to, something to take care of besides myself, I would have meaning. I would have something more to life for. I would have some kind of home, because I would love that cat dearly, and a part of my heart will always be waiting for me after i get off work or school.

I dunno though. There's just a tiny rant about me being sad and stuff. :/ My boyfriend isn't talking to me right now, even though we're on skype together. It's really kinda pissing me off.